A Tale of a Demented Milkman
by shadowflare278
Summary: A demented milkman's loose in Domino City, and the milk's he's been giving away is rather foul. I suck at summaries so just read to find out what's going on.
1. Biohazard

Shadow Flare: Welcome to my first fanfic! Please…

Bakura: Get to the point, already!

  
SF: .

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh!

Name translations for Dubbies.

Yami=Yami Yugi

Ryou=Bakura

Bakura=Yami Bakura

Malik=Marik

Marik=Yami Marik

Jou(nouchi)=Joey

Honda=Tristan

Anzu=Tea

Rishid=Odion

Otogi=Duke

It was just another morning in Domino City. Nobody is threatening the world or lives today. In the Kame Game Shop, it was very peaceful until…

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

Yugi: Ugh. Stupid alarm clock. *turns it off, gets dressed for school, goes downstairs*****

Grandpa: Yugi! Get the milk, will ya?

Yugi: Okay. *goes outside to get the milk*

As the King of Games got the milk, he noticed something very different about the milk and it caught his eye really quick.

Yugi: Odd. Why does it say "Biohazard" on it?

Grandpa: It's probably just a new brand of milk. It's nothing to be worked up about.

Yugi: *puts the milk on the table* I dunno. I have a really bad feeling about it.

Grandpa: *gets a box of cereal and a bowl* Lighten up, Yugi. It's only milk. What harm can it do? *pours cereal and milk in the bowl, goes to get a spoon* Can I get you some cereal?

Yugi: I'm not hungry. Thanks anyway. *grabs his book bag* Gotta Go! C'ya! *runs out the door*

*As Yugi walked to school, he met up with Jou*

Jou: Hey Yug!

Yugi: Hey Jou! What's up?

Jou: Nothing much. What 'bout you? You look like you saw an explosive being triggered or something.

Yugi: It has nothing to do with explosives. Did you get any milk left at your doorstep today?

Jou: Of course. Why did you ask?

Yugi: Did you see the label on it? It said "Biohazard"

Jou: Someone's been eating too much sugar….

Yugi: I'M SERIOUS, JOU! It says it right on the label.

Jou: Milk's milk. All that matters is that it's edible.

*Yugi and Jou notices a very pissed off Malik in the distance*

Malik: MY WINGED DRAGON OF RA! IT'S RUINED! DAMN YOU!!!

Jou: Huh? What's up with Malik?

Yugi: I dunno. I'm going to find out, though.

Malik: Grr! I never should've trusted you!

Yugi: *walks up* Hey Malik. What's up with you?

Malik: My God Card! It's ruined! *shows Yugi four pieces of a duel monster card*

Yugi: Who did that? I know you would never rip a card like that.

Malik: It's that dammed Rishid! He ripped it while I was asleep, and then ran away! Once I find him I'll *grabs his Millennium Rod and begins a violent stabbing motion with it* stab him so bad that not even the combined force of all of the doctors in the world won't be able to heal him! That card is irreplaceable!

Yugi: Yeah, it is. Ever heard of eBay?

Malik: eBay? Is that some kind of disease?

Yugi: Uh…no. It's a place on the internet where you bid on things and you get it. They sell almost everything in existence.

Malik: Anything? But there are only suppose to be only one copy of each god card!

Yugi: Blame Konami. They released them as promos to some games.

Malik: Ah. I see now. I might wanna check that place out.

Yugi: Hey Malik, did you get any milk on your doorstep today?

Malik: No. Why did you ask?

Yugi: The label says biohazard on it. I have suspicions that the milk isn't that good.

Malik: Bleh. It sounds something that Marik would do. Thanks for telling me about eBay.

Yugi: No problem. *walks off with Jou*

Jou: Ya know, Rishid must be EXTREMELY pissed off at Malik to do such a thing.

Yugi: I agree. It doesn't seem like him.

*After a while, both Jou and Yugi reach Domino High School*

SF: What awaits them? Is there something actually wrong with the milk?  Why did Rishid…

Bakura: Shut up already!

SF: I was trying to add suspense here. .

Anyway, please review and all flames will be added to the Springfield Tire Fire.


	2. Enter Bakura

SF: Welcome back. Okay, who wants to do a disclaimer?

*nobody is willing to do it*

SF: . Okay then, looks like I have to draw a name out of a hat. *puts hand in a hat, then picks up a piece of paper* Will the real Slim Shadi please stand up?

Everyone: .

Shadi: Fine. SF doesn't own Yu-Gi-Oh in any way, shape or form. 

Bakura: And thank Ra for that.

SF: . I heard that!

Yugi: We're here!

Jou: What? You think that we won't be here?

*Ryou walks up to Yugi and Jou* 

Ryou: Hey guys!

Yugi: Hey, Ryou! What's up?

Ryou: Nothing much. Did you get any milk left on your doorstep this morning?

Yugi: I was about to ask you about that. Isn't it weird? It says "Biohazard" on it!

Ryou: So you know?

Jou: When will you two learn? Milk's milk! It's edible, you drink it! There's noting to it!

Ryou: I dunno, Jou. I have a bad feeling about it.

*Bakura jumps out of a nearby tree and lands next to the gang* 

Jou: Oh great, it's Bakura.

Bakura: Haha! Is the wittle bitty vessel scared of a bottle of…urk. *places hand on mouth as if he was sick*

Ryou, Yugi, and Jou: o.O

Bakura: Ugh! *vomits on Jou's shoes*

Jou: *recoils in disgust* Asshole! You know how much I paid for these!?!

Ryou: I told you that the milk was bad!

Bakura: Quiet you! It wasn't the milk! It was how much I…urk. *places hands on mouth again*

Jou: *backs away form Bakura*

*Yami suddenly appears from the background* 

Yami: Uh huh. Sure. Whatever you say, tomb robber.

Bakura: (weakened voice) Stay out of this, pharaoh. *vomits on the ground*

Yami: Does the wittle bitty tomb robber need to have mommy wub his tummy to make him feel all better?

Everyone except Bakura: *laughs*

Ryou: *snicker* Hey Bakura, you really need to see a doctor about your tummy ache.

Bakura: Damnit vessel. For the umpteenth time, shut up. I'm going home…urk. *places hands on mouth, vomits on the floor again*

Ryou: Take Yami with you.

Yami/Bakura: WHAT!?

Bakura: I'D RATHER PUKE THAN HAVE THAT PHAROH GO HOME WITH…urk. *vomits*

Yami: Don't worry, Ryou. I'll take REALLY good care of him.

Jou: You'd better. I'd might come over there to get even with him after vomiting on my shoes! *shakes fist at Bakura*

Yami: Come on, tomb robber. *walks with Bakura*

Bakura: Grr…damn pharaoh *walks, vomits*

Jou: Hey guys. Something's not right, here. Where the hell's Honda and Anzu at? They should be here by now. *grabs a towel and wipes off his shoes*

Ryou: Do you think that it's the milk?

Jou: Of course not! It's normal for Honda to not be here, but I dunno why Anzu isn't here.

Yugi: I think it's the milk.

Jou: Yug. How many times do I have to tell ya? It's NOT the milk!

Ryou: Believe what you wanna believe, Jou. Me and Yugi believe that there's something wrong with the milk.

Yugi: We'd better go in or else we'll be late for class. *walks into the building*

Ryou/Jou: *also walks in*

Bakura: How dare you! You not only made me sick but you had that damned pharaoh baby talk me!

Yami: I told you not to bad mouth the author!

Bakura: I'll do what I wanna do, pharaoh!

Yami/Bakura: Grr… *starts fighting*

SF: *watches the fight* Please R&R. *grabs some popcorn and continues to watch Yami and Bakura fight*


	3. Transformation

Malik: I fold.

Yugi: As do I.

Yami: Straight Flush. Let's see you beat that, tomb robber!

Bakura: Royal Flush! I win! You loose! That means that you have to do the disclaimer this time, pharaoh!

Yami: Grr…SF does not own Yu-Gi-Oh.

Malik: Why do we have to do disclaimers anyway? They all should know that all of this is fanfiction and they don't own it.

Bakura: Idiots exist in the world, that's why. *stares at Yami*

Yami: Speak for yourself, tomb robber.

Three periods passed by and it's time for lunch at the high school.

Jou: *runs into the cafeteria* Lunch time! The second best part of school! The first would be the dismissal bell. *grabs a tray and gets all the food as he can get*

*Yugi and Ryou walk in the cafeteria*

Yugi: Hey Ryou. That Egyptian history report is going to be the easiest thing we had to do yet!

Ryou: At least for us. If we didn't have the millennium we posses and the spirits inside them, it would be a lot more difficult.

*Yugi and Ryou grab their food, and as they grab their milk, they notice something*

Yugi: Oh great, it says biohazard on it. *puts it back as does Ryou*

Cafeteria Worker: C'mon kids. Take the milk. You need your calcium, yano.

Ryou: Um…our doctors say that we can't drink milk, um yeah.

Cafeteria Worker: Do you have a note with you?

Yugi: Rats. *takes the milk as does Ryou, they both take a seat by Jou*

Jou: I know what that biohazard label means now. It's a new brand of milk, and it sounds like it kicks ass, too!

Yugi: I dunno. I think that it means that the milk will be kicking YOUR ass.

Jou: You STILL hadn't got over that milkaphobia of yours? Yikes.

*Otogi walks in*

Otogi: You're actually going to drink that, Jou? You're more insane than I thought.

Jou: Hey! I'm not the one who dresses people up in a dog costume when they loose a duel.

Otogi: *gives Ryou and Yugi sodas* At least you two are cautious about the milk.

Yugi: Thanks Otogi. *opens the soda* Hey Jou, you want my milk?

Ryou: Take mine too if you wish.

Jou: Give em here. I'll drink it.

Seto: *notices Jou* Well, well. If it isn't the mut that acts like a kitty cat with all of those milk cartons 

Jou: Go away, Kaiba! Let me drink my milk in peace! *opens all three cartons, drinks them all up* See? Nothing to it, guys.

Ryou: I guess we were wrong.

Otogi: Meh. I still prefer sodas to milk any day.

Yugi: Uh guys? LOOK AT JOU!

*a huge glow started to cover Jou, then a blinding light spread. After the light had cleared…*

Ryou, Otogi, Yugi, and Seto: O.O

Jou: *has turned into a puppy dog* Ruf! Ruf!

Seto: *is laughing to tears* Look at the little mut!

Jou: GRRRR! *runs up to Seto, bites his ass*

Seto: *stops laughing* o.o YEOUCH! Get it off! Get it off! Get it off! *is running in circles*

Otogi: *is rolling on the floor laughing*

Ryou: This is REALLY bad! I knew the new milk was no good

Yugi: *examines the carton, looks at the insides* Look at the insides of the cartons. One says "chibi," the next says "dog" and the other says "sharp teeth."

*Everyone except Ryou, Otogi, Seto, and Yugi are being affected by the new milk*

Yugi: This is really bad! Grandpa had the milk! I wonder what happened to him! *runs out of the school*

Bakura: Now I feel a LITTLE better since I don't have any of that happening to me!

SF:  Please R&R!


	4. Monkey!

SF: Welcome Back! This chapter will be better than ever since it features MONKEYS!

Malik: Did somebody say monkeys?

SF: Yup! Black Magician, do the disclaimer for me.

BM: SF doesn't own Yu-Gi-Oh, but you all should know that by now.

*Yugi continues to rush home, until he got a huge cramp in his stomach*

Yugi: Urgh! Must…continue…to…save…Grandpa. *Stops* I can't go any farther. *catches breath*

*Malik notices Yugi as he was riding by on his motorcycle*

Malik: Hey Yugi. Did they let you out of school early?

Yugi: Nope, but there IS something wrong with the milk and my grandpa had it this morning! Fifteen minutes ago, Jou drank three milks and was turned into a chibi dog with sharp teeth since he drank one milk that turned you into a chibi, one that turned you into a dog, and one that gave you sharp teeth. Can I get a lift? I need to go to the Kame Game Shop.

Malik: Sure.

*Yugi gets on, they ride to the Kame Game Shop where they hear stuff shattering everywhere from it*

Yugi: I got a really bad feeling about this… *opens the door with caution*

Malik: *takes his helmet off* Maybe I should come in with you.

Yugi: Sounds like a good idea. *fully opens a door*

*Malik and Yugi notice a monkey running loose*

Yugi: The hell?!

Malik: MONKEY! ^.^ *runs up to it and grabs it* Can I keep him? Can I keep him? Can I keep him? Can I keep him?

Yugi: Uh Malik? I think that monkey's suppose to be my grandpa.

Malik: Oops. So I take that as a no?

Yugi: Yup.

Malik: Damn! *pouts* I wun a monkey!

Monkey: *jumps out of Malik's arms and wrecks some glass figures, then runs loose around the shop, leaving a trail of destruction behind*

Yugi: After him!

*Malik and Yugi try to chase after the monkey but he's too quick*

Malik: Catching him would be much easier if that pharaoh or that tomb robber was around to help us!

Yugi: Unfortunately, they cant. Bakura's really sick and Yami's taking care of him. Why don't we have Marik help us.

Malik: And have him destroy the planet while he's at it? Hell no! *grabs the Millennium Rod, reaches for the monkey's tail, catches him, Malik grabs him like he was hugging him*

Yugi: All right! You got him! Good work, Malik!

Malik: Can we name him Sprinkles? ^.^

Yugi: I don't think my grandpa's name's Sprinkles. It's more under the lines of Surgoku.

Malik: Aww!

Monkey: *tries to escape from Malik's arms again*

Malik: You aren't getting away from me this time! You're mine! ^.^

Monkey: *squirms harder, but fails*

The Phone: *rings*

Yugi: I'll get it! *picks up the phone* Kame Game Shop! How may I help you?

Seto: Hey Yugi, when your grandpa drank the milk, what happened to him?

Yugi: He got turned into a monkey. I assume you got Jou off your ass.

Seto: Yup. He's in a cage now at my place. Well, the milk didn't have a bad of a effect on Mokuba but it's still bad.

Background on Seto's line: Gimmie my coffee now, you whippersnapper!

Seto: He got turned into an old geezer. I'll meet you at your place at 3 A.M.

Yugi: What for, Kaiba?

Seto: Get rid of the milkman.

Yugi: Don't you still want a rematch against me?

Seto: I do, but the milk's my number one priority. I got to go, Mokuba is brandishing his cane and is about to hit me if I don't get him his coffee. *hangs up*

Malik: *got the monkey to calm down* What's going on?

Yugi: Kaiba's coming over here at 3AM because he got plans to get rid of the milkman.

Malik: Ah. I see.

*the door opens, Yami comes in*

Yugi: How did taking care of Bakura go?

Yami: Like shit.

Yugi: It couldn't have been that bad.

Yami: You try taking care of a psychotic, demanding tomb robber that's sick one day and tell me how it feels. What's Malik doing here and is that a monkey that he's holding?

Malik: I wun my monkey!

SF: Wanna donate to a charity without actually paying money? You can donate to "Give Malik a Monkey" by reviewing.


End file.
